It’s summer….it’s hot. All you want to cool off in the pool. Do you brave the looks? Do you just wear shorts and a t-shirt so you aren’t exposed? Or do you just suffer the heat and stay home? We have all been there….
Buying a swimsuit is scary…no doubt about it. How exposed do you really want to be? How much skin is too much skin? Are you going to get looks or comments? Once you make the purchase, are you really going to be willing to wear it?
All of these things went through my mind this past weekend. My husband went out of town for an extended weekend. We had a pool and hot tub at our hotel. And all I wanted, more than anything, was to relax in that hot tub. The problem is the fact that I hadn’t worn a swimsuit in over 10 years. I have spent the money and purchased one…and let it sit in the top of my closet gathering dust. Why? Because I was too afraid. Afraid of the looks, the comments, afraid that I would be exposed.
Why do we do this to ourselves? As a big woman, I want to feel just as sexy as my thinner counter-parts. I want a man to look at me and desire me. I want to get in that hot tub and relax dammit!
So…when I was packing for the weekend…I looked at that swimsuit. Unfortunately, that swimsuit is still in the top of my closet. Why…because while I was packing I didn’t have the guts to pack it. So I grabbed my shorts and tank top and thought to myself that was good enough. And I would have worn it too…..until I went shopping.
Sucking It up & Buying The Suit
While we are doing some quick shopping I saw the cutest swimsuit. I looked at it…even held it up…but I still asked myself if I should do it. I wondered if it would look ok, if it would cover enough skin. It was a 2-piece suit…the kind with the skirt-type bottom and the flowy top. As I felt the material, and doubted myself and my ability to rock a swimsuit again…my husband told me he thought it was cute. So…I bought the suit.
When we were getting ready to go to the hot tub, all my anxieties came back to the surface. I put on the bottoms…ugh. Skin was showing, and not necessarily the pretty skin. Then I put on the top. Now the mirror in our hotel bathroom, only showed the top half. I could do this. The girls looked good…nice asset. I knew my husband would like that. Then I opened the bathroom door and saw myself in the full-body mirror on the wall. My first reaction…I grabbed a towel and covered myself. It was almost too much. Then I slowly lowered the towel, and adjusted the material to cover those areas that were a little too exposed for my personal taste. That’s when the real bravery had to happen… I had to show my husband. And guess what….he liked it. I just need that little push, and I was ready to go.
Figuring Out My Feelings
Why did I need that approval though? For me…it was knowing that my husband thought it was hot. There was no other rhyme or reason to it. I have spent years seeking the approval of others. And while apparently I still do it…I have narrowed to down from needing the worlds approval to desiring the approval of a very select few. Would I have bought and worn the suit if my husband didn’t like it…I honestly don’t know. But, when it is all said and done, I did buy the suit. I wore the suit. And you know what…I rocked that suit. I am now looking forward to my vacation in Las Vegas, because I will wear the hell out of that suit…skin and all.
Girls …buy the suit. Don’t do it for anyone else. Do it for you. Get out of your head and into the water. I know it is so much easier said than done, but if you can do that…you can do anything.
Until next time…happy swimming!